Friday, October 15, 2010

The monster under the bed or God…Which do you believe in more?

Bedtime has been a big battle around here lately. Kid is at that age where her imagination is taking off and she can’t tell reality from fantasy.

All parents have been through this…there is a MONSTER under the bed! How can we possibly expect kid to go to sleep when her life are in peril!! (Kid is a drama queen)

We have tried reasoning with her….flashing a light under the bed to reveal only a lost shoe, doll and a sock or two…NOPE! There is a MONSTER there!

We have tried sending daddy in to ‘beat the monster up.’ Nightlights, leaving all the lights on, monster go away spray….

We tried explaining to her that God is always with her and that He would never let a monster hurt her.

This morning, after a long bedtime battle last night, a simple thought came to me- She believes in monsters more than she believes in God.

I then thought about all the ‘monsters’ many adults believe in- and warn so greatly against. I grew up hearing that watching shows like Bewitched, Adams Family, Smurfs, and so on would cause me to be ‘open to demons’ and would lead directly to the occult! Halloween? You would be better off hiding out in the basement in fear and trembling than dress up and get candy. Don’t forget Cabbage Patch Dolls!

We claim that ‘God is bigger than the boogey man’ yet we are terrified of what lurks around every corner. What does this say about our faith? About how we view God? Do we honestly believe that God is so week that He can’t over some any silly little demons that hide out in Harry Potter? Are we so easily lead that we think that dressing up and getting candy is in any way equal to what has been done in the past (or may even go on now) on Halloween? What does it say when we are scared to watch certain TV shows?

The kid has an excuse for her misplaced belief in monsters- her brain is not fully developed, she does not have logic or reasoning skills, and her imagination runs wild. Her faith in God has yet to become real and solid. We adults should have outgrown these flights of fancy years ago. Our faith in a real and personable God should be firmly in place. We should be able to see that a TV show or a book, or a fun holiday is just that and not full of lurking evils.

In short; adults should know better and their lack of faith in God in these things is appalling.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

I was 'saved' but I did not have salvation.

Growing up in the teeny-tiny fundamentalist Baptist church by the creek (I do not recall the name of this church, but I recall the creek I used to look at through the window) I was well versed in the "You are a horrible, rotten, evil sinner and God would rather just throw you in hell.  There were many hell fire and brimstone sermons, and at the age of five, I was terrified enough that I went forward during the altar call and was 'saved.'  This is a process that was repeated many times over the years...only it was called 're-dedication.'  There would be a sermon on a particular 'sin' I would be scared of hell, question the sincerity of my salvation, get 'saved' again and hope it sticks this time. Rinse, lather, repeat.

The sins preached against were numerous. Watching a specific TV show, reading a certain magazine, listening to a certain music group, wearing 'immodest' clothes, not being 'bold enough,' The list of  'sins' goes on and on. Over time, though. I slowly came to a realization. These things were not sins, or at least not as 'sinful' as some people made them out to be.

I felt driven to read my Bible for itself, to try to forget everything I was taught and simply read. I found this amazing thing called grace. I had always heard that we are saved by grace, but then, you better follow all these rules' in order to be 'truly saved.' Not only that, but the rules I was made to follow, to feel hell-bound over, were man-made- or man-made extremes.

Reading the Bible just in and of itself, I realized that God does, in fact, have 'rules' for us to follow but they have precious little to do with what I had been taught all those years.

God's greatest command is LOVE...He said so himself when asked what the greatest command was. Jesus said, in short, to "Love God with all of your being and love your neighbor as yourself." I read further on and see "Let us love one another, for love is of God and anyone that loves not knows not God." "They will know you are my disciples by your love." and so on.

I read on and found Matthew 25 about the sheep and goats and how they are separated. It isn't by what we are entertained by, it isn't what we wear...but how we LOVE and care for our fellow man.

Love is another thing that was distorted in my growing up. "Love" was defined as "Telling people they are horrible, rotten sinners that God will toss into hell. This is not Biblical love. The love God wants us to share is found in 1 Corinthians 13. You know it..Love is patient, keeps no records of wrongs.

Love, Biblical love, is what I found to be the difference between being 'saved' and receiving salvation. It is understanding God's undying love for us. God does not want to toss in hell; he wants for no one to perish! God so loved us that he sent his son, who endured unspeakable pain and agony so we can be saved.

Having that love in you can't help but bubble over and overflow and reach out to others. We don't love because it is on the checklist of holiness; we do it because we have realized just how God loves us and in realizing that and letting his love wash over can't HELP but spread it around.  You see someone in need and your heart yearns to help them. It pains you to see suffering in any form.  This isn't a work; it comes as natural and predictable as the sunrise.

When you let His love come and captivate you, when you toss aside the 'rules' and let the Holy Spirit work a mighty work in your life? THAT is when salvation comes. You realize that there is noting you can do to earn salvation, and that your very best efforts are what God thinks are filthy, horrible, and rotten- not you someone who he created the innermost being of certainly not one he sent Jesus for.

This is grace. This is freedom. This is what God desires for us.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Wherein I whine....

I am just slap exhausted.....and I can't sleep.  My body hurts head to toe, every joint, muscle and even to the bone in some places.  I suck the pain and drag myself through the day the best I can and not say anything about hurting. No one wants to hear the whining anyway. It sucks.

I can't muster the energy to get moving and do the things I need to do.  My house is a total wreck I am sick of working my ass off at work all day, only to come home and have to clean the house...only to have it trashed again by the next day. I am a person of neatness and order. Mess and chaos disturbs me.  I can not function properly when things are not in order. I have tried to explain this to my husband till I am blue in the face. Last time we had this go round he did exactly ONE load of laundry. WOW. I am sick to death of being the only one who gives a shit.

I seriously need to get some work done on my current house projects. I am wanting to clear out the two upstairs rooms so I can make one into a playroom for the kid and another into a hobby (mainly soaping) room for me. I have to clear both rooms out, then paint the floor and walls then move everything back in.

I am also trying to get to the origional hardwood floor in the kitchen.  We have nice hardwood that is covered by 70'sish vinyl tiles covered with plywood (250+ nails per board!!) covered with another vinyl tile covered by even more vinyl.

Who is doing this work, alone? You guessed! If I don't do it then it will never get done.
I want to get my soapping business going. I really want to do this so I can stay at home while earning money and having the freedom working for yourself provides. This is a HUGE desire of mine.

I need rest, I need energy, I need some give a damn. I need to not hurt!  I need HELP! I need to get the ball rolling on my business. Instead I just feel like I am sinking.

/end whine

Sunday, June 13, 2010


Sometimes the sermon or lesson in Bible study on Sunday morning is so very timely.

Our adult Bible study group is reading through the book Crazy Love by Frances Chan.  This week was Chapter two: You may not finish this chapter. The reason is not because you will be 'convicted' or it may contain things that you don't want to is because you may die before you do so.  What a sobering thought!

Our life is but a vapor.

Some recent events highlight this all too sadly. Who among the campers in Arkansas had a clue that as they laid down to sleep in their tents, cabins, and campers that night would be their last? I imagine that they all went to sleep that night with eager anticipation of what the morning may bring; hiking, marshmallow roasts, fishing, swimming in the river, or whatever else they had plans for. I can't imagine that any of them gave a passing thought that they would be swept away in a freak flash flood.

Even closer to home, just yesterday-after graduation, a young life was struck down in a car accident. Who would have guessed as this young woman receiving her high school diploma she would be dead just a few short hours later?  One minute celebrating success and hoping for the future, the next gone.

How often do we wake up and seriously think that this day could be our last? When we get in the car for a run to the grocery store to buy a gallon of milk, how many ponder the fact that they may never make it back home? How would our lives change if we pondered our sudden death more often? How would we live, what legacy would we strive to leave behind? How would we leave our loved ones as we step out the door? How would we be ready to meet God?

As further reminder of the vapor of our lives, I got my very first Morning Glory bloom today (pictured above). Morning glories bloom in huge, beautiful flowers then slowly fade, curl up and die...all in a matter of hours.

Remember to live your life to the fullest because you never know when your moment will come.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Big ideas from the kid

Big idea 1...If your date has fangs sticking out from his mouth, RUN because that means he is a vampire!

Big idea 2.....I have decided that I am not going to brush my teeth anymore because I like it when the tooth fairy comes and leaves me money.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Man, I love my kid

Two things in the last week make me think that I am doing good by the kid.

1) upon hearing about the CNN study on children and race, I found the picture (actually, I paused the vid on my computer) used and asked her some of the questions. She looked at me like I sprouted a second head. "Mommy, they are ALL pretty!" "MOMMY!! It is MEAN to say any of then are ugly!" (she then threatened to spank my butt)

2) I explained to her that we have laws that say a store owner can't throw a person out of their store because they are black, or hispanic, or whatever else. Then, I told her that someone thinks we should not have those laws.

Her response? Mommy! That is EVIL!!

(I used store and race for simplicity...she IS seven and has the attention span of a humming bird on speed)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

A few random things about me

~ I am a native Texan who now lives in North Carolina
~ I am the mother to the kid, who is 7
~ I have been married for 9 years
~ I have a soap making business (check out slide show to the left for pictures of some of my designs)
~ I am 4'11 and 1/2 THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
~ I want a pet pig and I would name it bacon.
~ I have a twisted sense of humor
~ I am very strong minded and an independent thinker. People seem annoyed by this for some reason....and it amuses me.
~ My favorite meal is chicken fried steak. No one here can make it right...or even at all.
~ We bought our first house three years ago. I have never lived in an owned house, I grew up in apartments.
~ I miss the beautiful roadsides of Texas spring- especially bluebonnets.
~ I have a BS in Psychology. What am I doing with it? Cleaning the church. Hey that is better than nothing!
~ We have two cats, Jojo and Sophie and a bunny, Alice. All are rescues.
~ I love to read and study different subjects. Sadly, now a days, I just do not have the time or attention span.
~ I grew up for most of my child as a strict fundamentalist. I HATED those ugly denim skirts/ jumpers and my long split end, stringy hair. They day before I started Highschool- I gave that all up, cut my hair into a bob, threw the skirts/ jumpers away and found a less legalistic church.
~ I am all about loving and saving the earth.
~ I am an unapologetic liberal...christian, too. Imagine that!
~ I hear thunder right now and it is making me miss the house rattling thunder from home.  It is not REAL thunder if it does not make you jump out of your skin!

That is about it for now. I am just your average Jane boring person. ;)

Monday, May 10, 2010

Jesus loves me this I know...

 Here is a most excellent essay on the love that Christ has for us. It is rather long so you might like to print it out to read.

One other thing. Don’t accept substitutes. Don’t believe the lies. Once you see what Jesus’ love is like, stay there. Don’t put any other person or place or idea in that place, especially not one that’s a lie. Nothing can separate you from Jesus’ love for you. Nothing can stop you from being loved forever.

Anything that says otherwise isn’t Jesus.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The kid's To-Do list

The kid decided that she needed a to-do list for her day off school.

Play bate list
Play out side
wach vidos
rede boocs
play vido game /sonic
play with my toys
go on a scavrg hnt
wach crattoons
say good bay

She's good at getting her thoughts on paper...we just need to work on that spelling!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

How I love my church family!

I am reminded often just how much my church means to me. You all have accepted us  blemishes and all.  We do not need to put on a show of holiness. You have loved on us and you loved on our daughter- even when she needs to be peeled off the walls. Matthew and I both have grown more in faith over the past nearly two years than we have at any other time. We look forward to every Sunday morning when we get to worship with you all.

It is easier to be so far away from home with the friendships we have formed. You are like a second family to us and in many ways even better than my own born family.

Love you guys! *sniff*

Friday, April 30, 2010

How without compassion can we pass them by?

A homeless man saves a woman from knife wielding attacker, gets stabbed and lays in a pool of blood, dying, for over an hour as 20+ people pass, even stopping to take pictures.

Sadly, this is not an unusual situation, as we hear similar stories quite often.  

Last year, ABC ran a series called "What Would You Do." They sat up different scenarios and watched how people responded.  This one relates to the story at hand:  (under March 10- Aiding the Fallen)

The 'nicely dressed woman' gets help within six seconds. The 'homeless' man three minutes or more. The 'homeless man with a beer can'? Even longer. It took repeated pleadings from another homeless woman before someone-grudgingly- acted to call 911.

What has happened to us that we can pass by someone who is so obviously in need? How can we stop, look- directly in his face, even take a friggin picture, then continue on our merry way? This man gave his very life (no greater love- eh?) to help someone in need and no one came to his aid....because he wasn't 'worthy' enough? He wasn't 'pretty' enough? He was one of  'those' people?

Such a sad commentary on us all. May Hugo Alfredo rest in peace.

I tried to find this old song on You Tube, but had no luck- not even on itunes, so here are the lyrics.


There's a man on a corner with a cardboard sign that reads
I will work for food
A woman stands beside him with hungry eyes that plead
Our children are hungry too
Some may say I'm foolish for giving to their cause
I've become a believer that heaven's helped us all.

Oh there but for the grace of God go I
How without compassion can we pass them by
Oh, it could be you it could be me the world has cast aside
There but for the grace of God go I.

When I think about my home late in the evening time
How we've been blessed with much more than we need
Keep a warm fire burning when it's cold outside
We don't have to worry that we might freeze
How can I go to bed at night and sleep so gracefully
If I haven't given something for the least of these.

Oh, there but for the grace of God go I
How without compassion can we pass them by
Oh it could be you and it could be me the world has locked outside
There but for the grace of God go I.

Oh, the time has come for everyone to learn to help another
We could turn this whole wide world around if we only loved each other.

Oh, there but for the grace of God go I
How without compassion can we pass them by...
Oh it could be you and it could be me the world has locked outside
There but for the grace of God go I
There but for the grace of God go I
There but for the grace of God go I
There but for the grace of God
There but for the grace of God go I
There but for the grace of God
There but for the grace of God go I

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Yes, you need to believe in yourself, too!

If you want to be like Jesus it is not only about the passion in your chest to be like Him, it is not only about the conviction that He believes in you so you can be what He calls you to be, but it is also an awareness that you have to believe in yourself that you can, by the power His spirit and the direction of his word, be what Jesus called you to be.

Quote from the DVD guide to "In the Dust of the Rabbi." Session 2- When the Rabbi says GO!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Conversation with the Kid

KID: Mommy, did you know that Dr Seuss did not write JUST fun stories for kids? He wrote stories to teach kids a lesson.

ME: Oh really? Like what?

KID: Like in the Sneetches. that was about how we should be nice to each other even when it is not always easy.

ME: That is right! Where did you learn about that?

KID: My brain.

The Kid's poem (age 7)

For me and you
a dream come true
lovely day to play!
This will be fun!
Hooray and yay
to have fun!
lovely night to watch the stars
we might see a shooting star!


I'll be damned.

(this post is copied from my Facebook notes-from over a year ago.)

I’ll be damned.

Over the past few months, I have had many people, who call themselves Christian trash, degrade me and question if I am even really saved? I even have had people tell me that they are praying for my depraved soul and that I am going straight to hell. Why? Because I support Barack Obama. I voted for him and am now happy to see him as my president elect.

So….I figure that since I am doomed for a one way hand basket ride to the fiery place, I should explain why I am so damned. I warn you this is long, and only part one. My level of evilness requires quite a bit of explaining. ; )

I’ll be damned if I call my self pro life (which I consider myself to be) , yet take away the very programs in place that help REDUCE abortions. When a woman feels that she can ‘afford’ to have her baby, she will have it…even if that means she will need government aid. How does one expect a woman to keep a baby when there is NOTHING there to help her? How can she have a healthy pregnancy/ baby without Medicaid? How will she be able to feed/clothe/ provide shelter/healthcare for her child if social programs are cut back?

I’ll be damned if we take away education that reduces unwanted pregnancy, thus reducing abortions. I know that not everyone is going to wait till they are married. This is a simple fact of life. Proper education on birth control and how our bodies work is essential to reducing the abortion rate. I don’t want to hear “Oh I took the pill and got pregnant anyway” because 99% of the time you screwed up, not the pill. This, again, is where education is essential.

I’ll be damned if I tell a woman who has a pregnancy that is a danger to her life that she is SOL and has to DIE….even if the baby can’t be saved. Where will all of you be if, say, I get pregnant again and that pregnancy becomes a threat to my life long before viability of the baby? Do I deserve to die? What about my child who is here? Does she deserve to be motherless? Does my husband deserve the added burden of raising her without me? Where will your help be? NOWHERE, that’s where. Not only will you be nowhere to be found, you would have struck down any form of aid that my family could have benefited from all the while calling it holy and praising God. Jesus would be proud! Not.

Oh and? I’ll surely be damned if I scream about how abortion is murder, yet think an unjust war (that has killed how many of our young men and women and innocent civilians) for a known lie is good.

Did these men and women deserve to die for a LIE? If you think so, then you will have no problem clicking on each.and.every. picture and tell them that their death was worth it. Tell them that you want to keep their brothers and sisters over there to continue dying and getting maimed for life…FOR A LIE. After you do that, go to their mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, and children. I support the death of your loved one for a lie….but by golly, we are protecting the lives of (unborn, once they get here they are on their own) babies! In fact, many of you voted based ONLY on abortion. How hypritical. Again, I am sure Jesus smiles down on such an unnecessary loss of life.

I almost forgot the verse I wanted to insert here. I think it fits this war perfectly.

"There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.” Proverbs 6:16-19

Make no mistake that I am pro life, very strongly so, in fact. However, I have long held that abortion is not the battle. The battle is things that stand in the way in 1) preventing unwanted pregnancies and 2) Providing all needs for those who find themselves in a situation of need. If you want to reduce abortion, then you HAVE to stand behind these things. To focus only on ending the medical procedure is ignorance, asinine, and unrealistic.

I know many will point out the adoption option. That is an idea that I pray women who find themselves in a situation where they can’t raise a baby will chose. So there is absolutely no argument there.

Just imagine, this is JUST abortion! I chose this topic first because many based their vote completely on this issue. Just wait till you hear that I am damned for supporting social equality and liberty for ALL!

Friday, April 16, 2010

She cracks me up

The Kid finished her homework, but her handwriting was very sloppy. I told her to write another sentence using the word ‘more.’

What did she write? “My meen mommy meade  me write moore sentances.”

I am sure her teacher will love that.

My first, and last, tattoo.

Matthew has been on me for years to get a tattoo.  I always knew what I wanted if I was ever brave enough to get one…a shamrock of course, since my birthday is on St Patrick’s day. I even had he specific design picked out for over a year.

He would bring it up from time to time and I would say NO! Basically, I am phobic of needles. The thought of having to get a shot makes me all sweaty and queasy.  I nearly passed out at my last blood draw. Needles and I are *not* friends. At all.

Fast forward to Friday after my birthday. We were out at dinner and Matthew noticed that our server had tattoos and enlisted her in the debate. I told Matthew that we could go to the tattoo parlor and *IF* they could do it then and *IF* we had the extra cash I would do it.
Well, here it is…..(located just above my right ankle)